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Lindsey McKeon and Rachel Paulson are Earth's oldest living millennials. They were adulting before it was cool. Now they're here to take you on a mid-30s journey, to teach you young'n's everything you ought to know to live your best life as a grown-ass millennial.

Strap in, kiddos.

Jun 3, 2019

Lindsey and Rachel can't agree on our most gratuitous, addictive, rapey, unattractive, yet also inescapable, sexy, useful and relation-enhancing human vice: PORN.

Lindsey can't abide sex that deliberately avoids "divine flow." Rachel worries her former porn obsession may have shrunk her brain. And talk of mutual masturbation threatens to send the show more off the rails than usual.

Anyway, if you learn one thing from this episode, let it be this: LESBIANS DO NOT ACTUALLY SCISSOR. Thank you for coming to our TED Talk.

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Write us at oldestmillennials@gmail.com to ask the burning questions you want the girls to school you on next.

Follow us @oldestmillennials on Instagram for behind-the-scenes, sexy photo shoots, relevant memes, and other stuff to help you whippersnappers get through your days.